1 year anniversary with sobriety.

A year ago, I had the last drop of alcohol, a glass of bourbon on a southwest flight coming back to Denver from Mexico. I said goodbye to my old friend – Alcohol.  A friend that helped me hide under its blanket.

Like many musicians I fell right into the image that a rockstar has:  you party, you play, you party, play and then party some more.

You don’t even need to have all the fame and fortune to do all these, it’s just there, waiting, the musician’s dimension.

Growing up I had many idols, bands I looked up to. Metallica, Zeppelin, Pantera, Hendrix… You name it. Sounded like so much fun to live that life, careless, wild and glamorous.

Little did I know the price you pay to sustain that lifestyle. Broken hearts, broken families, wasted days, depression, disconnection from truth, the list goes on and on… your darkest trades, your shadows come out when you let alcohol be your guide.

I have many stories of random acts of drunkenness and yes, some are hilarious, Epic nights, laughter. Some are sad, all of it.

So many lessons were learned and now as I look back I know I wasn’t honoring who I really am. I was honoring a false image, a manufactured character in the artist world, at least in my perspective. I was fulfilling what we all think it is to be an artist.

The suffering-dark-addict.

Now, a year after cleaning up.  I’m discovering who I really am… or at least building a new me.

The first 2 months I faced so much pain. I faced what my actions have created. The cause and effect.

I realized I was aimlessly shooting my life to wherever my arrow would land (if that makes any sense).  Sounds dramatic and it was. I consider myself an alcoholic and that was a harsh truth to really accept. I faced so much pain I caused others and worse, that I caused myself.

I didn’t know how to have fun or how to relate to others to have fun. I’m still discovering what is it that I like to do (besides the obvious – Music).

Since then I have been practicing new habits, healthier habits that are enriching my life, my relationships and even better, enriching my music. I feel more connected to myself and others, my intuition is stronger than ever, I can manage my emotions a bit better and on top of all that,  I’m becoming a better Dad!!  Each day I have to remind myself why I’m doing this. To be the example of action and embodiment of good acts for Olivia.

Every day I have to pray for strength and focus to transform old patterns and the courage to create good new patterns. To not fear what’s ahead in my life.

We live in a world that is constantly wanting to escape, avoiding ones emotions, thoughts or whatever it is. We just avoid it.

The majority is living a life that is not happy with, so we drink, so we use drugs… it’s a lot “easier to feel happier” that way. Yet is not the truth and even worse it drifts us even farther from the real place where we can find all the beauty, peace and love we crave.

I’m glad I woke up. Not too late.

Thank you for reading

Javi

18 Comments

  1. Congrats beautiful man. What a lovely and vulnerable post to make- a true showing of new found courage. Sending love to you and Namaste my amazingly talented friend.
    It is an honor to know you! ❤️

      1. What we all need to be doing❤️
        Best of luck on YOUR journey
        Thanks for sharing this part of your path.
        Love you Kate
        XXOOKK

  2. Gracias a Diós! I am thankful for your story and your sobriety and rejoice with you my friend! I am praying for strength for you, to a much larger YES to sobriety , that can be viewed over the temptations when they arise.

    Welcome to your new life- it’s beautiful here!

  3. Wow!! How beautiful!! Thank you for sharing so deeply, with such openness and honesty. (You have me in tears!) I wish you continued blessings on your journey in your new life of sobriety. What an amazing accomplishment! You are amazing. God bless you!!
    I am an artist also, a fine artist who was so blown away the first time I saw you at The Brik, that I had to do a painting of you. My husband and I love your music and you often accompany us as we share dinner together.
    Wishing you all the best,
    Ann

  4. Congratulations. Thank you for sharing your heart. It was beautifully written and I saw NO errors you warned about. You are a great example for not only your daughter but for all you come in contact with. I am also so glad you woke up.

  5. El Javi, I had to learn who I was for the first time and it was difficult. Sometimes it still is but it’s comforting to know that some mind-altering substance isn’t making me who I certainly am not. No question this is the better version of me. Stay the course. Keep the Faith.

  6. Hello Javi,
    Good morning, Happy Birthday, and thank you for your share. The road we are traveling is full of promise, freedom, happiness, and joy. Today, I can accept who I am through walking a dozen steps, I am with you. We shall see how our experiences can benefit others. Yesterday, I returned home to Denver, on a Southwest flight from visiting my Daughter who is now 22. A whole knew experience without king alcohol or the dragon lady I like to say, trying to ruin my day! It was an experience I’m glad I didn’t miss! Thank you again and maybe one day our paths may cross as we trudge the road of happy destiny! May God bless you and keep you until then.
    Rachele

  7. I have known you through some of this journey and through it all, I have always seen your true light…even when it must have seemed very dark. It always comes out in your music but you can feel it from your heart…even through the struggle. So happy this journey continues to lighten and be enlightened!❤️

  8. Un abrazo Javiersiux, te acuerdas que nos quedo pendiente una llamada hace mucho tiempo? luego platicamos? cuídate! eres fuerte!

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